Hoaxers, deer antler spray, and an inconvenient brain infarction.

By now, like Roberto Durán, I’m throwing in the towel. I’m yelling “No Más.“ I’ve had my fill of Manti Te’o, his make-believe not-dead girlfriend and who hoaxed whom. The media needs to give it a rest, even with the latest stuff about Ronaiah Tuiasosopo being ‘Romantically in love’ with Manti Te’o. O.K., so the whole thing was ‘Blarney’ – and I don’t care.

And I’m equally exhausted with cycling’s Lance Armstrong and his belated coming ‘clean.’ So surprise, no surprise, professional cycling’s got cheaters. And I don’t care even if his “Livestrong” became “Liestrong.”

Coming out ahead.

Instead, I’m welcoming new stories and new alleged hoaxers to get exercised about. Like news this week of ex-Michigan justice Diane Hathaway pleading guilty to bank fraud and facing prison time.

Judge Hathaway was charged with felony fraud in connection with a real-estate scheme, which forced her to resign from the bench and take an early retirement. But only after a judicial investigation was breathing down her neck and just mere days before federal prosecutors filed criminal charges against her.

The complaint against the former Michigan Supreme Court Justice involved concealing assets — like ownership in a debt-free home in Florida while she nonetheless urged her lender, ING Direct, to approve a short sale of her $1.5 million Grosse Pointe Park, Michigan manor because of supposed financial hardship.

So now that she’s admitted guilt, sentencing awaits. But only time will tell if she’ll be on the receiving end of a judicial body slam. For now at least, under a plea deal, Judge Hathaway gets to keep her Florida home and the Feds won’t ask for a sentence longer than 18 months or a fine of more than $30,000.

And since Judge Hathaway had sought to avoid paying the lender on her Michigan home as much as $90,000, the sentencing judge may order restitution. Her lawyer, however, says the bank would have approved the short sale regardless and he intends to ask the judge for no jail time.

Nevertheless, at least Judge Hathaway can anticipate the day when she eventually leaves any bad Michigan memories behind and instead enjoys a relaxing state pension-paid retirement in her Florida home.

Golf or football: deer antler spray’s supposed to be good for what ails your game.

If I’d only known . . . . “Here’s Why Athletes Use Deer Antler Spray.”

Grind up some deer antler, atomize the extract into a spray and disperse a little dab-to-do-you under the tongue. Voila! While powdered antler does nothing good for the deer, it supposedly makes you bigger, stronger, faster.

The people selling the stuff say it contains IGF-1 (the insulin-like growth factor), which is supposed to be along the lines of HGH (human growth hormone).

My golf game being what it is, I can see where a near 50-year old guy who actually makes a living off the game might want an edge — like PGA Professional Golfer Vijay Singh who just admited to using deer-antler spray.

Point is, though, the stuff is banned by the NFL and the PGA Tour. So here’s what Singh had to say about it today before clamming up. “While I have used deer antler spray, at no time was I aware that it may contain a substance that is banned under the PGA Tour Anti-Doping Policy. In fact, when I first received the product, I reviewed the list of ingredients and did not see any prohibited substances. I am absolutely shocked that deer antler spray may contain a banned substance and am angry that I have put myself in this position. I have been in contact with the PGA Tour and am cooperating fully with their review of this matter. I will not be commenting further at this time.”

From the “What was she thinking file?”

And then there was the Ohio woman who went to court to get a protection order against her ex-boyfriend and the judge inexplicably left her alone in the room — with the ex-boyfriend she was seeking protection from! The foreseeable took place. The ex-boyfriend opened up a can of whoop-ass on the hapless woman while the judge was inconveniently out of the courtroom. According to news accounts, the court being underfunded, there’s allegedly not enough security to go around.

But what was Her Honor thinking? Was it a test to confirm whether or not the woman was “. . . [in] or under threat of immediate and present danger [of the] abuser”?

Or was it simply a brain infarction? In any event, it was a “Terrifying moment man attacks ex-girlfriend inside courtroom as she seeks an order of protection against him” as reported by the UK Daily Mail. Albeit a few contusions late, the judge fortunately returned accompanied by a deputy who stunned the ex-beau into submission.

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Photo Credits: Manti Te’o adapted from http://i.imgur.com/O58Qe.jpg; Judge Diane Hathaway from http://votesmart.org/candidate/110576/diane-hathaway#.UQnHKPJUo0c; “Jake, aka Santa’s favourite beagle,” by John, ikeaboi81, at Flickr via Creative Commons-licensed content requiring attribution; Vijay Singh, by Siyi Chen, nostalgic_fordisaster licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license and at Flickr via Creative Commons-licensed content requiring attribution; can of whoopass, via photobucket, http://i735.photobucket.com/albums/ww355/btothemo86/CanofWhoopAss375.gif.

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