Nevertheless, in my own rear-guard hope for a last call for bawl for the likes of ‘checks for wrecks’ or ‘cash for crash,’ I offer up here my own tide of snide to the downside.
The following stupid slogans need no further elaboration or even a law firm punch line. I just made them up.
The practice areas they apply to speak for themselves. Thankfully, I hope to never see any of these on television or online or to hear them on the radio. But then nothing surprises anymore when it comes to finding the lowest denominator of lawyer advertising. The advertising abyss has no bottom so long as houndstooth jacketed lawyers persist in a used-car salesman’s high-speed race into the void.
Will I get attribution or an intellectual property royalty check if they’re subsequently plagiarized? Probably not.
But feel free to contribute your own slogans to my list of inanities.
Wed a boozer, dump the loser.
Married badly, make him sadly.
Had his say, make ’em pay.
Foolish lender to deadbeat spender?
Met a louse, lost the house?
Arm and bone lost in a loan?
Over swept with too much debt?
Slip and fall want to get it all?
Don’t settle without our mettle.
Denied a claim, we’ll fight the blame.
Wrongfully desired then terminally fired?
Boss at prey, we make ’em pay.
Don’t grouse over a defective house.
Got a right, see us fight.
Accused of crime, just give us time.
Don’t want to pay, we’ll have our say.
Dog bite fright, we’ll set it right.
Tilting at windmills.
Joking aside, I know I’m only tilting at windmills. Silly advertising is here to stay. It appears to work with some people. Otherwise it wouldn’t be so prevalent.
So after viewing the following two lawyer advertisements, I think you’ll agree that the old expression will still apply in 2011, “resistance is futile.”
As long as pecuniary incentives exist and daytime television viewers remain pliable, the pure and undefiled will elude us and not only will the widows and the fatherless be visited by such afflictions, but so will the rest of us. (With apologies to James 1:27)